I Am A Conundrum

A puzzle because I care but I don't. Because I believe in a sense of justice and propriety that don't apply to me necessarily at all times. Because I could think, am capable of intelligence and unique thought but so very often choose not to exercise that ability. I wonder, what would happen if I did? What could I accomplish if I chose to express myself along the harder path? Because it's too easy just to not. The life I live is full of not doing, not being, not thinking. I have all the tools to develop my brain, to make a useful contribution, to make an impression but here I sit in a state of lazy self-indulgence.
This guy I've been seeing, for better or for worse, he's jolted me out of my comfortable coasting and in to an actual train of thought. I don't necessarily agree with his ambitions, but I admire them. I can't say I believe in his beliefs, but I think it's amazing that he has such strong ones. And he challenges me to become more verbal in our conversations (though we don't have easy, flowing banter as I would like), to become more useful and to actually think. I wrote a poem in a different style as a challenge from him and I could literally feel my brain working harder than it had in a very long time.
I don't know that I could be a physicist but I know that I could be more than I am now, cruising along without doing any real thinking. I'm not a philosopher like he is, but I can hold my own in discussion and debate, I'm just rusty at it.
So, here's to trying harder. If nothing works out between he and I (and I have my doubts, as always) at least there's this and I can look back and remember this.